All one liners jokes are under 140 characters, so they are perfect for posting at twitter.
Just click on a joke to post it directly to your twitter account!

1. Since my mother-in-law went senile, all she does is stare through the window... Maybe one day, if its really cold, I'll let her in.

2. Kids are like farts. You are only ever proud of your own.

3. If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

4. What does a rubik's cube and a penis have in common? They both get harder the longer you play with them.

5. If I had a nickel for every time I've misplaced my keys, there'd be a jarful of money I would also have to look for.

6. Heat causes things to expand. Thus, in summer, the days are longer.

7. If at first you don't succeed... Redefine success.

8. Losing a girlfriend can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

9. Why are fishmongers so mean? Because their job makes them sell fish.

10. Statistically speaking 4 out of 3 of my jokes either are mathematically incorrect or have speiling mistakes.

11. I wanted to propose to my girlfriend over the phone. So I gave her a ring.

12. HadAFightWithTheSpaceBar…WeAreNotTalkingToEachOtherAnymore.

13. Bugs come in through open Windows.

14. My wife said to me she's tired of being my maid and wants a divorce. I fired her.

15. Chemistry professors never die. They just fail to react.

16. I'm a great husband. I always tell my wife I love her when I'm having sex... Usually by text message.